And then everything changed

Mittwoch, 26. Oktober 2016

Where do I go from here? (A quick update from my life.)

My life is finally moving forward in some ways. My trainee program at a publishing house of one and a half years is officially over and I have taken up my graduate studies again. Which is extremely weird. I feel so many things at once, that in the end I seriously have no clue what I am feeling, except an overwhelming feeling of confusion. Well this is life, right?

On one hand I am delighted that I don't have to work any more because at many times my job really made me go crazy. There were extremely stressful times, to the point where I got physically sick from it, and I especially disliked working with unreliable and chaotic people. It's just a great relief that I don't have to worry about this anymore.

But on the other hand, my job was a really important step within my developement and I am so glad that I decided to give it a chance again and again. Besides all the skills and knowledge I gained in this job, the most incredible thing which happened because of it, is that I developped a sense of who I am or at leat of the person I could be. When I was younger I was often very insecure, but my experiences in the last two years proved quite the opposite. I was social and outgoing, I got along great with people, and I even enjoyed being amongst people. I learned that I am (at least partly) a person who is liked by others and this truly opens up so many doors for me. Above else, it gives me a sense of security and confidence, because I learned to belief that whatever social situations I will get thrown into, I will do alright. I can handle this. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. And this is amazing.

But still: My excursion into working life didn't give me a sense of direction at all. In contrary, I know even less now what I want to do with my life. In fact, the whole concept of being an employee who has to show up every day to certain times might not be for me. Of course I have to work, and I am working two part time jobs now, to support myself. But I have started thinking that the classical way of working (the 9 to 5) might not be the best option for me. Even more, I have realized, that the ideal of a job which will enable me to fullfil my purpose and live my passion, might not exist - and that's fine. It's totally fine to have a simple, not challenging job to earn money, and find fullfilment in your hobbies and relationships. Maybe I will think differently about this in the future, but at this moment in my life, this is exactly what I am doing.

I am happy but also a bit overwhelmed by taking up my studies. It's a lot of work and I 'm already behind though it's only a couple of days into the semester. But I don't mind it because it interests me and I do belief that I can learn a lot from it, not only in my major but also personally.

While I have moved into the next chapter of the story of my life, my love is still stuck at the end of the last one. My boyfriend is still searching for a job. It all takes so long and it's so exhausting. I hope that he'll soon find a job, so that we can move forward together. I think this is the reason why I am so confused about my feelings. I can't leave him behind. We have to find a future together. And this is just what we'll do.

To sum it up, the Buffy cast (as always) says it best:

Samstag, 15. Oktober 2016

Things I've learned after opening my eyes to what's going on in the world - Part 5

I always try to have a balance on my blog between career and relationship posts, pop culture posts, and now and then a post on serious issues. Which is why I regularly share the most interesting, shocking, fascinating and important things I've read about in the newspaper on here. Here's my latest edition:

* an article stated the true idea, that violence creates violence, and amok creates amok, it's like a virus, it also said that 60% of persons running amok announce their plans beforehand

* an intersting interview with a security officer in Israel was about how Israel protects themselves in a state of constant terror (which we in Germany are fearing to soon have right here, too), measures they take are: cyberequipment of the police, surveillance of social media, if someone is thought to plan a terrorist attac they talk with him or her as well as their parents to send the message 'we are watching you', listening to phone calls, saving license plate numbers, and cameras everywhere

* there was a fatastic essay by Elisabeth Raether which stated that we, the liberals, are the new elite, which is why the ironic thing is that the poor are voting for Trump while the eductaed elite are voting for Hillary, we liberals have the power now and we speak out for black people, trans people etc. but we leave behind the ordinary people (the white straight men), the same tendency can be seen in Europe, many poor folks voted for Brexit because only the wealthy have the privilege to actually travel Europe and see how awesome it is

* 65 million people are currenty fleeing and/or refugees, more than at anytime past WWII

* there is now a new camera technique, which we call in Germany "Lichtfeldtechnik", it means that you use lots of cameras from all angles, so that you can edit and focus etc. after the actual shooting and the camera man therefore becomes redundant

* the space probe Osiris Rex is exploring the asteroid Benno right now, the ultimate goal would be to find rocket fuel on Benno, so that it could be a gas station for long flights, f.e. to Mars

* an intersting portait on Snowden stated that he was originally pretty conservative, first he was a follower of Bush, later of Obama, but he was always dissappointed, his theory is that the more you look, the less you see, f.e. there were signs leading to the Boston bomber, but noone saw it because there was just too much information, he also thinks that the drone war creates nothing but hate and terror

* i've read a fascinating article on Silicon Valley: in the past it was a middleclass area, but then the tech elite arrived and the housing costs increased so much that the former middleclass is now homeless and starving, president Reagen's trickle down theory according to which the wealth of the rich will trickle down to the poor did not come true, later president Bush gave the rich tax giveaways so that they became even richter, the price of a house increased from 700 000$ to 2.5 million $ and the rent for a 1 room apartment is now 4000$, many are homeless and now the city council forbade sleeping in a car so that people have to sleep on the street, the problem is that the tech companies have two classes of employees: those who are employed directly by the company earn 151 600$ per year but those who are employed by subcontracters (f.e. cooks,security personal etc. who are often black folks) earn only 19 900$ per year, the homeless live in tent cities like refugees where drugs are a huge problem, the ironic thing is that the organizations who help them depend on donations from the tech companies who are the cause of the problem

* in Germany every party except the CDU is for direct democracy, when people hear direct democracy they think of Brexit but there are several German states like Bavaria and European countries like Switzerland where it works

* there are now memory hackers who can erase memories, this is used to treat fears f.e. the hacker shows a person who is afraid of spiders a spider, then gives them a beta blocker which hinders the emotion fear, someday this might be used to erase the love someone had for a dead person to also erase the grief like in sci fi movies, there are 2 types of memories: non-declarative memory (skills like driving a bycicle) and declarative memories (learned knowledge, and autobiographical memories)

If you like to learn more, you can als check out part 1, 2, 3 and 4 of this series.

Dienstag, 11. Oktober 2016

Why everyone loves Stranger Things

It has taken me some time and countless nudges from my friends to check out this show, but I've finally watched the first season of Stranger Things. And I absolutely adore it! Stranger Things truly stands out amongst all the fantasy and sci fi shows of today and here is why.

It's simply very well written.

Stranger Things is about a small town in Indiana where young Will goes missing. From the beginning it's clear that something not quite normal is involved in his diappearance. The search for Will by his mother, his brother, a police officer and his best friends is the main plotline of the story. By focusing mostly on this storyline the show manages to tell a straight forward story in the middle of all the not straight forward stuff in the background.

Whatever happens, all side plots sooner or later play a part in the main story, the missing case of Will, f.e. the disappearance of Nancy's friend Barb makes her investigate and team up with Will's brother Jonathan. The appearance of the strange, homeless girl with a shaved head, who everyone just calls Eleven, based on a number tatooed on her arm, helps Will's three best friends to follow new leads in their search for Will.

Say what you want about the science fiction theme of the show, but it is (especially for this genre) extremely well written, intruiging and easy to follow.

It has great child actors.

Usually I hate protagonists who are children, especially in a show which is clearly written for adults. But in Stranger Things I loved Will's three best friends Mike, Dustin and Lucas who are all really cool. The way they investigate Will's disappearance, reminded me of how much me and my friends loved pretending we were private investigators as children. It brought me back into the mindset of those happy days. Also they are neither evil nor idiots like the children in many movies or tv shows. They are actually pretty smart.

Of course, for the likability of the child characters we have to thanks the child actors who give a fantastic performance. To find good child actors is really hard, which is why they often have to be replaced several times. But Stranger Things managed to find child actors who don't appear ridicolous in an adult tv show but do their job really well. And I don't only mean the three boys, but also the actor of Eleven.

It's mainstream sci fi.

Sci fi has always been popular with a certain type of people while the rest can't really get into it. Not so with Stranger Things. Stranger Things is sci fi for people who don't like sci fi. Which honestly is the best kind of sci fi. Which leads me to my next point ....

It's not too weird.

The biggest problem of many sci fi or fantasy shows, movies and books, is that it quickly becomes too weird and confusing to the point where the viewers and readers start wondering what the hell they are watching/reading. In the beginning Stanger Things of course is quite confusing but the show reveals and explains everything bit after bit and (in it's own supernatural logic) it all makes sense.

Sometimes shows try to invent something new which makes it difficult for the viewers to grasp. The trick is to take something old and give it a new twist, which is exactly what Stranger Things does. Parallel dimensions, telekinesis - we all know those concepts. Now we can watch them in a new setting and story.

It's original.

Let's be honest. Aren't you getting a bit tired of the thousands of book adaptations, remakes, etc. which flood tv nowadays! I definitely do. It's so refreshing to watch an original show for once.

It has many positive characters.

Except the obvious evil characters like the monsters, all characters of Stranger Things are positive and can be role models in some way. From the kids, over the teenagers to the adults, none of them are evil. This might sound normal, but I am so used to shows like Game of Thrones where every character has a deep dark secret or an evil agenda, that it's uplifting to follow the paths of everyday heroes in Stranger Things.

It has Winona Ryder in it.

Because everything gets better if it has Winona Ryder in it.

Bonus: It's set in the 80s.

Just to make it clear: It's not relevant that the show is set in the 80s. The story could have been set into today's world or any other time and it would work just as well. The 80s are just a little extra for all the nostalgics and retro lovers out there.

So, if you haven't yet, go and watch Stranger Things :)

Samstag, 1. Oktober 2016

Love is brutal - Looking back at my 2011 self

I have just been reading my old blogpost on my previous blog from 2011, which was when I first started dating my boyfriend. It's all about how much I love him and need him and depend on him and how I go totally crazy about it. With my boyfriend it is the first time I found true love and it is so, so overwhelming.

When I look back on my 2011 self, I am proud and extremely relieved that I have changed into a calmer and most importantly happier person. Because back then I had just been dumped and two days later entered a new relationship in which for the first time I was treated well and where I received true kindness and love. No wonder that I couldn't handle it. I didn't even know that something like this existed. So I feared that it would fall apart like every other good thing which happened to me before then.

But it didn't. I'm still with this one special person and I still fall for him every single day.

When I look back on my 2011 self I can't help but think about how obsessive and melodramatic and completly lost I was. And though I definitely still have those times, I'm glad that I don't feel the need to question everything every other day anymore. Because my lover has become my home. We know each other well enough and we trust each other enough, that we finally passed most of the drama and I am so grateful for it. Because the drama is exhausting.

Which doesn't mean that now it's all cudlles and cakes (though there are enough of those, too). Right now my boyfriend is searching for a job which he needs in order to prelong his visa and be able to stay in Germany with me. It's really stressfull. And I realize that not only do I still love him but I also still need him and depend on him and go totally crazy about it.

Because this is love. Love is crazy. Just think about it. You find this one person and when you look at him it's like you can physically feel your heart, when you're with him you feel so alive, so much, that you decide to never, ever let him go. Suddenly your own happiness depends on someone else. Your whole life changes because you want to share it with him. It's ridiciolous.

I love love. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I feel confident enough about my relationship not to loose my other interests over it. But I still agree with my 2011 self on the major point. Love is brutal. It's terrifying. But it's also beautiful.