And then everything changed

Montag, 30. Januar 2017

My love for dresses in photos

Everyone who knows me, knows that I love dresses. They are just genius: put on one piece and you instantly look fabolous. It's a shame that I can't wear my dresses everyday all day. This is why I thought: Why not have a fun photoshoot presenting all my dresses? So this is what I did.

All photos are copyrighted: © Sunita Sukhana

You can find more of my photography on my photography Facebook site: Sunita Sukhana

Mittwoch, 25. Januar 2017

Do it with passion. Or: Why Lalaland made my soul sing

Last weekend I watched Lalaland and considering that I already heard so many great things about this movie and was convinced that it just can't go wrong, I was not suprised that I liked it. What I was suprised by, is how much I liked it. How I loved it. And why.

Sure I'm a sucker for muicals, I loved the singing and (especially) the dancing. The main actors where fantastic and the love story was cute but honest. But none of this was what made Lalaland stand out to me. Lalaland was extraordinary because of its message: Follow your dreams. Live your passions. No matter what you have to sacrifice for it. No matter how many times you fail, keep going, and eventually you'll get there.

My favorite scene was when Ryan Gosling tried to convince Emma Stone to stop hating jazz. It touched me so much how passionate he was about jazz because this is what life is all about. No, not about jazz, but about passion. No matter if you love music or acting or books or football or flowers or the sound snow makes when you walk in it the first time - be passionate about it. Be weird. Freak out about it. Tell everyone how awesome it is. Celebrate it. This is the whole secret of happiness: Do it with passion.

Ryan Gosling's character loved jazz so much that it was essential to his surviving. It was the one thing he couldn't live without. He just couldn't stand to watch it disappear because he deeply believed that the world would be a worse place without jazz. If you love something as much as he loves jazz, then you're doing it right.

So here's to the ones who dream:

Mittwoch, 18. Januar 2017

My Year 2016

I'm a bit late with my review of my 2016 but here it comes. Like last year I am going to illustrate my 2016 with exclusive pages from my diary. This year I decided to seperate my year into topics because there were many things which stretched throughout the year with changes and new perspectives coming along every now and then and I really don't want to confuse you by writing for November: oh remember what I told you about February, so here the story continues. So seperating all the ups and downs, pieces of wisdoms, challenges and moments of beauty into topic seems to make more sense.


I consider myself one of the luckiest people alive because I love someone and he loves me back. And even better: we are living together, are happy and are fuctioning pretty well. I've been with my boyfriend for more than five years now and I am still so into him. There have been so many beautiful and magical days and nights with my love which I am grateful for. I like to complain about life's challenges but I also know that in this respect I already won.

But you know, love is not always rainbows and sunshine. Relationships are hard - everyone who says otherwise are lying. The main thing is that it just has such a huge impact on your life and your well-being. Love is such an overwhelming emotion that sometimes it can seem too much to handle. In May I was on a business and fun trip to Berlin. I was looking forward to this trip, also to spending some time with myself in the city. But because of little stupid circumstances (we went to the movie theater before the trip so my boyfriend put his phone on silent) I couldn't reach him for two days - which I hated. To say I freaked out a bit is an understatement. It's not that I have to talk with him all the time, it's more that I need to know he's safe because otherwise my mind makes up the worst possible scenarios. It was not pretty and it showed me that though I'm a lot calmer and emotionally stable than I was when I started dating my boyfriend, I can still be obsessive and crazy. But well, love makes you go crazy every now and then.

The other thing is that when you love someone your happiness depends on their's. So when I moved forward in life this year I couldn't enjoy it that much because my boyfriend remained stuck. I have to consider his working situation and future plans too. Suddenly there are two lives I have to keep in mind and there's a double potential of things going wrong. But you know what? If this is the price you have to pay for being with the one you love, then I pay it gladly. Because it's so worth it.

My work

Until October I worked for a publishing house. Though I enjoyed many parts of it, it was also really, really stressful at times. In the beginning of the year I edited a novel for the first time in my life. It took months (I actually started editing it in 2015) and it was so much harder than I expected. Turns out I'm a lot worse at grammar, spelling and spotting logical errors than I thought. It was fun, I love doing it, but it was also frustrating when the novel landed on my desk to re-edit it again and again and again.

Added to this was other stressful work stuff. I don't want to go into detail but as I was the only person who does marketing at this publishing house,plus other stuff, I always had to take care of a million things at a time and it really strained me. I noticed this in February when I was planing to go with my colleages on a trip and the week before there was so much to do that I really couldn't take it anymore. I got physically ill. I got the flu. Which forced me to take some time off and breath. And also to think. Because work is just work. It should not make you ill. If you're stressed out all the time, then you're doing something wrong. Either the job is not right for you or you have to find a way to minimize your tasks. That's what I realized.

There was also uplifting work stuff, though. In February I went to a congress of people who work for publishing houses and it was so inspiring. There were so many young people in my age and it showed me that there are many possibilities out there. Also I organized and went to two bookfairs which were also stressful of course but also fun and motivating and they went ok. When the book I edited was finally released I held many readings with the author. It was the first time that I hosted readings and it was so much fun. I felt so confident and grown up. This is what I loved about this job. It forced me to step out of my comfort zone and often I found that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I also learned layouting which was fun.

In October my one and a half year trainee program at this publishing house ended and though my boss wanted to keep me, I decided to not continue working there for the reasons I mentioned above. Instead I continued my graduate studies and let me tell you, studying is so much fun! It's also a lot of work but I am interested in it, so this makes it easier. And the freedom and flexibility of studying feels great compared to working a 9-5 office job.

I also started a part time job at a local company. I was an office helper which sounded easy in the ad but it was actually really difficult because I had to do bookkeeping and things like that. I hated it. I did everything wrong, I messed something up every day. I dreaded going there to the point where I felt depressed the night before because I knew I had to go there the next day. I was working only two days a week but still, two days a week is a lot of wasted time when you spend it hating your life. In December I thought about quitting but my boss was quicker and fired me. It was not mean or anything like that from her side. We both knew that this is not working out. Sure, being fired is not my favourite experience but it was also a huge relief. Now I am looking for a new part time job which will hopefully suit me a bit better.

His work

Or rather: His lack of work. My boyfriend is done with his master and has been looking for a job for many months now. The problem is that he is a foreigner here in Germany which means first, that he needs a job in order to get a new visa and second, that German applicants are prefered if they have the same qualifications. So this was a true battle and it is not over yet. He still hasn't found anything. I as well as my parents are helping him as much as we can.


On a more positive note, 2016 has been a great year for me in terms of creativity. The main focus of my creativity is on writing my novel. I hoped that I would be done with it at the end of 2016 and I am still far from this but to be fair, this was a pretty unrealistic goal anyway and I am very proud of my progress. In the beginning of this year I still attended a writing class at my school and in January I read to them my first five pages of the novel. I had read to them another scene before in 2015 and while they were still a bit critcal then, they loved my beginning in January. It just proved how much I learned in this course. Unfortunately form March on the school didn't offer this class anymore, so I took the initiative and started my own writing group. I'm so proud that I pulled this of. We are a rather small group but we are very motivated and I love working with them. I couldn't do it without them.

Also I have made a couple of photoshoots in 2016 which were fun and inspiring.


2016 was also a fun party year (well, if you can still say this - I mean, I'm 25, my idea of party is a lot different than from when I was 20). It started with a calmer but nice New Year's party at my friends house. For my 25th birthday in July I wanted to do something special and I invited all my friends to a bonfire party in the forest. It was so much fun. Everyone I love was there, there was a bonfire, great food and drinks and even better conversations, dancing and even a Pinata. For me it was a perfect birthday!

On Halloween I dressed up in my gothic dress and my boyfriend and I went to a party in a club. They played all my favorite songs and we danced so much, the kind of dancing that makes you not care what anyone else thinks, that makes you forget all your problems, the kind of dancing which turns into kissing which turns into more. It was truly magical. In December we hosted a small dinner party for our friends. We cooked ourselves and everyone loved our food. We had funny conversations, played games and drank so much wine. It made me feel like a grown up and I truly enjoyed it.


I also went on three vacations in 2016.  In April I took a train trip to Strassbourg, Luxembourg and Maastricht. The great thing about living in the middle of Europe is that everything is so close and I take advantage of this far to seldom. It was my first solo trip. Well I was only travelling alone for three days, but it was a start. Travelling alone is pretty cool because you get to decide what to do without having to pay attention to anyone else. But after three days I had enough of me-time. In Maastricht I met up with my roommate and one of my best friends from college. I hadn't seen her for years before that but when we met again it was like no time had passed. It was wonderful and I enjoyed being with my friend so much.

In August I went on a trip with my friends to Amsterdam. We visited the city but mostly went to the Amsterdam Comic Con and it was so much fun!

Finally in December my boyfriend and I decided pretty spontanously to fly to his home in Michigan over the holiday. It was beautiful. It really made my soul breath. We spent a lot of time with his family, we went shopping, went shooting (for me it was the first time), went to the zoo and we simply enjoyed being with each other in this winter wonderland.


Despite the major (mostly work related) challenges 2016 threw in my way, I had so much fun this year. I spent many fun times with my friends, there was a hilarious karaoke evening, I enjoyed life with inspiring blogs, tea and candles on a regular basis, we made many bonfires, we went to an awesome Japan festival, we did a lot of hiking, we went to the lake often in summer, I saw the Rent musical live, we borrowed my mum's oldtimer convertible and drove around in it feeling like movie stars and we had a great time at an Escape room. And so much more.

Also of course I consumed a lot of awesome media including Podcasts (RadioLab and DearHankandJohn being my favorites), movies, books, tv shows (The Magicans!), and music (Beyonce's visual album Lemonade touched me so much). But the real reason why 2016 was fun despite everything was my...


Your attitude towards life truly makes all the diffrence and I realized this already a couple days into 2016. I was watching "Don't trust the B in Apartment 23" (which is hilarious by the way) and it made me feel so positive about my twentysomething life regardless or maybe even because of all the challenges. More than anything I just really wanted to have fun, to feel alive.

I was also amazed by so many scientific discoveries and new possibilities. I mean, we ARE living in the future. What a time to be alive! A great and exciting time, though of course terror and Trump is terrifying me. In March I watched the documentary "I am Alive - Surviving the Andes Plane Crash" and it filled me with such a joy and gratefulness for the simple fact that I'm alive. I visited two authors who both had amazing houses full of personality and it was the first time that I understood what a wonderful thing your own house could be, therefore a dream was born. I got a new smartphone for my birthday and with it I could finally use Instagram and somehow it made me enjoy the little things more.

So though I am far from where I wanted to be at the end of 2016, it was not all bad. Some of it was actually really amazing.

Montag, 9. Januar 2017

Book reviews - Bookfair addition

I am back from my lovely vacation and ready for a new year of blogging. I will post a review of my year 2016 soon, but for now I'll start with a book review. In October I attended Europe's biggest bookfair and (pretty randomly) picked up three books I've never heard of before. I've read them all by now and here are the reviews (in the order I've read them, not the quality of the books).

Girl on the Net: How a bad girl fell in love

This was so much fun! How a bad girl fell in love is romance/erotica which is usually not my genre at all but when I saw it in the shelf it looked really cool. And I was so right.

The author, Girl on the Net, is a british sex blogger and this is (as far as I can tell) her debut novel, in which she tells about her extravagant sexcapades, about falling in love and about life in a long term relationship. Usually I couldn't care less about love novels, but this book was truly fantastic! It was everything. It's hiliarious and smart and sexy and it has a refreshing truth. There are very explicit sex scenes but then there are also brutally honest descriptions of everyday problems. Reading this book was like talking to a dear friend who just gets it: love, sex, life, everything.

Michael Grant: Messenger of Fear

When I've seen that Michael Grant has a book series (well it's only two books) which I didn't know about, I just had to have the first book. I've read two series by Michael Grant before, one was BZRK which was interesting and smart but lost it's intensity a bit in the second book, the other one was the Gone series which is wonderful with a sometimes confusing but all in all sound plot and great, mult-dimensional characters. So I had high hopes for Messenger of Fear but I have to say I was so disappointed.

First of all, it has an unreliable narrator which is a device I always find a bit annoying. The story is told by a girl who wakes up in a weird world with no memories and somehow moves from event to event as some kind of apprentice of a supernatural creature. Yes, it's really weird. But the worst part was that she is so naive and blind. At least in the middle of the book readers know who she really is because there are signs everywhere. The big reveal at the end is so obvious and predictable. But still the main character just doesn't get it. Which is frustrating to follow. It's a short, quick read but still I had to fight through it and I just kept going out of respect for the author's previous work.

Sally Gardner: The door that led to where

I really didn't expect anything from this book. The title is really confusing and to be honest, the only reason I picked it up, was because it said it is a story about two Londons and I was just reading A darker shade of magic at that time, and it sounded similar. It is different but it is just as well, maybe better, you can't really compare the two books as A darker shade of magic is for adults and The door that led to where is YA. But it's good. Really good. I was surprised by how much I liked it.

The story is about a high school graduate who finds a job at a law firm. There he finds a key with his name engraved which leads to London of the 19th century and he soon is caught up in adventures between the times. It's a clever and original fantasy novel but what I loved most about it wasn't even the fantasy bit. It was how real it felt. The main character and his friends and family are from a poor area of London. Their lives are marked by poverty and crime and hopelessness. But still they are the most awesome people you know, They understand friendship and love and loyality and they fight for what they want against all odds. They are really diverse and multi-layered, perfectly created. They are the kind of characters you wish you could be friends with in real life and isn't this the best literature can do?

Have you read any of these books? How did you like them?