And then everything changed

Samstag, 26. September 2015

A quick word on Infinity

I once had a conversation with my friend's boyfriend which went something like this:

Him: "Look at my tattoo, which says 'All things are temporary', written in Arabic."

Me: "Well, isn't that a bit ironic, to have a tattoo, which is literally permanent, which says 'everything's tempory'?"

Him: Is it permanent, though? At last, when I'm dead and my body decays, my tattoo, too, will be gone."

Me: "True. But isn't the saying a bit depressing?"

Him: "Not for me. When everything's temporary, this means you should do whatever you want to do because in the end it won't matter either way."

Me: "Hmm."

Him: "You don't think so?"

Me: "I guess that's true. But it makes me sad. I guess I am looking for something permanent."

And isn't this the whole tragedy of life itself? One day it'll end. And everything you did, everything you said, all the impacts you had on other people, all the carrot pies you ate, all the inspiring blogs you read, won't matter in the long run.

Why do we promis each other forever if forever means simply till the day I die? Why do we thrive for things that'll last, friendships, relationships, stories, ideas?

When I was younger, I wanted to die with 29 because I simply thought that's enough life to live. But then I fell in love and now I share my life with someone I love, and all I can think is: I hope we both will live for hundred years so that we can experience many, many things together.

And it's not just about him, either. For me, myself, I have realized that there is still so much I want to see and to do and even if I live a 100 years it won't be enough. I want to travel to space and I want to be able to buy a ticket for a spaceship for the price of a plane ticket. I want to witness how humanity settles on another planet. I want to time travel. I want to be able to perceive dimensions, I don't even know about. I want to live in a world where all humans are one nation and treat each other with respect.

Honestly, I think that some of these things will be possible in the next 100 years. But I am almost 25. I might not live that long. But then again, maybe until I'm old, medicine will be so advanced, that we'll all live a lot longer. They say, the first person to live until 150 is already born. Might as well be me.

Still, some day, we'll all die. Probably. As for now, infinity is a concept which will never, ever be perceived by humans. And that's a shame. Or is it?

Do you pursue infinity or do you enjoy the fact that everything is termporary?

Montag, 21. September 2015

Fall 2015 Playlist

Life's nothing without music, which is why I have the habit of creating seasonal playlists on my Iphone. Here's my Fall 2015 Playlist:

Jim Sturgess - Girl
All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret
All American Rejcts - Move Along
All American Rejencts - Top of the World
All American Rejects - I Wanna
All American Rejects - Fallin Apart
All American Rejects - Gives you hell
All American Rejects - Mona Lisa
American HiFi - The Breakup Song
Candy Hearts - I miss you
Candy Hearts - All the ways you let me down
Candy Hearts - Coffee with my friends
Edison - To Die For
Fall Out Boy - Sophomore Slump or Comback of
Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn
Green Day - Jesus of Surburbia
Lana del Ray - Video Games
Lana del Ray - Dark Paradise
Lorde - Royals
Lorde - Team
Panic! at the Disco - There's a good reason these tables are numbered, you just haven't thought of it
The Pretty Reckless - Heaven Knows
The Pretty Reckless - Fucked Up World
Streetlight Manifesto - Skyscraper
The Subways - Move to Newlyn
The Subways - Obsession
The Subways - Rock & Roll Queen
Sum41 - Walking Disaster
Sum41 - Speak of the Devil
Sum41 - Best of me
Sum41 - So Long Goodbye
Taylor Swift - I knew you were trouble
Taylor Swift - We are never ever getting back
Taylor Swift - Stay Stay Stay
Taylor Swift - Mine
Taylor Swift - Back to December
Taylor Swift - Mean
Taylor Swift - Better than revenge
Ryan Adams - Dear Chicago

Those are the songs which keep me going during cold mornings. Whats on your Fall 2015 Playlist?

Donnerstag, 17. September 2015

Why I love the character Harry Potter

Obviously I love the Harry Potter book series. But it's only now that I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, that I realize one of the main reasons for my admiration for these books: the protagonist. I feel like Harry Potter as a character doesn't receive enough credit though he is a truly extraordinary protagonist who I can identify with.

Harry Potter is extremely talented

A protagonist has to stand out. Well, Harry had the label outstanding ever since the day he defeated Lord Voldemort as a baby. But this was not his victory. This just happened to him. What defines a person are the things he is responsible for, the choices he makes, the person he becomes and the abilities he gains. And say what you might, Harry Potter is an outstanding wizard because he is simply really good at what he's doing. People think that Hermione Granger is the the smartest one and this is probably true but she is smart because she reads a lot. Harry on the other hand is talented. There's a great difference. Harry in himself has the ability to do extraordinary magic like a powerful patronus or withstanding the Imperius Curse or actually killing Lord Voldemort. Some people say that Harry is only successful because of a mixture of luck and the help of his friends, but the truth is that he's successful because he's extremely good at what he's doing and I think he deserves more credit for that.

Harry Potter is complex

What I love most about the character Harry Potter is that he is not your typical hero, always doing the right thing, always helping others, never wavering. Harry in fact is quite the opposite. He constantly struggles with his dark side. He is extremely angry and reckless and at times pretty arrogant. Especially his anger is an interesting personality trait. Harry often feels mistreated. He yells at his friends. But now that I am older, I realize that most of the times he's right. He's the hero of these books but nevertheless noone, especially not Albus Dumbledore, bothers to tell him what's going on. People treat him like he can't handle the truth, though he has proven again and again that he can handle far more than most people. So yeah, sometimes he's stubborn and unfriendly and behaves like a child but it's only because everyone treats him like a child regardless of the fact that he's not. Nice, righteous characters are boring. Real people have edges and so does Harry Potter. The impressive thing is not that he's a good guy but that though he is constantly torn between good and bad, in the end he always chooses the right path. This is true strength.

Harry Potter cares

Harry had an aweful life, loosing his parents as a baby, growing up with his unloving relatives, being stimatized ever since he joined Hogwarts, loosing Sirius Black, the only family he ever had. A lot of people would become cold and heartless as a consequence. They have proof that life will do nothing but screw you over, so they shut everyone out. But Harry Potter didn't become this person. He still cares and this is one of his major personality traits. Harry cares about his friends, his family, he cares about the future of the world, about justice, and about surviving. He never stoped caring, though he always knew that caring leads to grief. In this aspect, he's a gread idol for me.

My favorite character is Sirius Black, but Harry Potter is a close second. And I think it's time that the world stops underestimating the popular book series' protagonist.

Sonntag, 13. September 2015

The best version of yourself

You know how people always say "Be the best version of yourself"? As if I was an old Iphone and they advised me to to the update to the next ios-system.

But in real life it's a bit harder. There will be no pop up which tells us, there's a better version of us available. So how do we know when it's time for an update? An how many versions of ourselves are there? Will the new versions just keep coming like Apples updates and will they maybe, also like Apple udates, be nothing more than the same deal like the previous version, just with a fancier name?

Of course I can see that I have changed over the last years. But this wasn't a matter of switching from a fallible to an improved version of myself in the matter of seconds, but i was a long process which I'm afraid wasn't controlled by me but was a reaction to the changing cicumstances and the growing challenges.

Lately I feel a bit stuck and terrified of the future. I spend a lot of time worrying about things to come and regretting things done. I know that this is unhealthy and that I should focus on getting forward instead, but it turns out to be a difficult job. So, where's my magical update? Believe me when I say, I'm totally down for a better version of myself right now! I need to impove, I know that. But I can't find the right software to install.

Some weeks ago, I made this scribble in my diary:

What do you think? Is it possible that the best version of ourselves is the mess we've become? Is it time that we stop trying to improve and start accepting, that this is it? Or is acceptance a synonym for giving up?

Freitag, 4. September 2015

Can I call myself a writer?

I work with writers every day. My job is to edit books, organize readings and get newspapers and magazines to write nice reviews about those books. The people who write these books are writers. But what about bloggers? What about part time journalists? What about the teenage girl who writes fan fiction? Are they writers?

Sometimes people introduce me as a writer and it makes me feel like a fraud. Because am I actually a writer? What is the criteria which allows me to call myself a writer?

Is a writer someone who publishes texts?

Well, I published some pieces here and there. I sometimes write articles for my local newspaper. I write articles for the online magazine The Indie Chicks. I published a couple of short stories. I just recently wrote an introduction for a photo book. But still the amount of texts I publish is pretty small and very irregular. How much do you need to publish, to call yoursef a writer?

Is a writer someone who earns money with his or her texts?

I can count the articles and stories for which I was paid on one hand and the money I got for them won't even buy me a dinner. I did get some money for my writing but for me it was more a sign that my work was valued than an actual salary. Again: How much do you have to earn from your writing, to be a writer?

Is a writer someone who lives from his writing?

Then I am by no means a writer. As I mentioned my job is to edit and sell books written by other people, by authors, real writers. This is what I live from. With nothing but what I earn from writing I would live on the street.

Or is a writer everyone who writes?

I might nor earn a lot with my writing and I might not publish that much pieces on a regular basis, but I write. A lot. I write short stories, articles, blog posts (both for me and for others). I write in my diary very regularily (once a week) - and those entries are long and detailed because my life deserves diary entries like this. No day passes, where I don't write something. But still: Is this enough to call myself a writer? Well, the word is "writer" and not "someone who's published and lives from his writing".

Still it is a dilemma for me: I want to be a writer. And I'd like to call myself a writer but then I feel like a fraud when people ask me which magazine or publishing house I write for. I love writing more than anything. And I write a lot of things just for the sake of writing. But I also write to one day get published. I generally write to get better not only because I enjoy being good at soemthing but also so that my chances at being successful increase. Because the truth is I want it all: I want to write and I want to publish my writing and I want to earn money with it and one day I want to be able to live from it. I want to be a writer though I might already be one.

What are your thoughs? What makes a person a writer?

Dienstag, 1. September 2015

Here's the reason I haven't been around last week: I was in Finland

Last week I visited a friend in Helsinki, Finland and found it to be a strange but beautiful place. See for yourselves!

Helsinki Center

Water and islands

An island full of cool underground tunnels

Sitting at the water

The view from the tower of Helsinki's Olympic Stadium

A monument for a composer

The ship we took for a three hours drive to another city

A sailing ship

And again because it's beautiful

The old city Porvoo

The cathedral

The orthodox church

Sitting by the water again

My plain back

A commercial for toothpaste made of gold (WTF?)