And then everything changed

Montag, 28. März 2016

Why not us?

I have always been someone who dreamed big. I'm talking revolution/changing the world/becoming super famous kind of big. Especially in my teens I seemed to think that anything is possible for me. Sure, I was a bit megalomaniac and now that I'm an adult, I have learned that following your dreams is a whole lot harder and more frustrating than I thought. But I still deeply believe in the concept of dreaming big.

Every since I was 11 years old I wanted to write. I wanted to be a journalist. sometimes for women magazines, sometimes for political newspapers. I wanted to write collums. I wanted to write reportages which reqire me to travel to three different continents and which take me a year to research for (there are those stories in newspapers for which the reporters actually researched for more than a year and they are always, regardless of the topic, fantastic!). I still want all of those things though I still have to find my way into the world of big journalism.

A dream I'm chasing right now is to write and publish a book. This book, of course, is supposed to be read. Finally I have a story I'm convinced of, and I work on it every weekend. So far I have only three chapters but I'm making progress. I hope to have finished the first draft by the end of the year.

I have a friend who also loves to write and has already finished a second draft of a book. To have a friend who shares my passion of writing is fantastic. Not only can we share tips and dream together but also it is extremely motivating to know someone who is fighting the same battle.

When people tell me that journalism and writing is a difficult and a popular field and that so many people want to succeed in it but only very few make it, I always answer: Well, if a few make it, then why shouldn't it be me? Seriously. Sure, I could focus on all those who fail but why? The one who succeeds could just as well be me. If you really want something, you should believe that it's possible or you'll live a pretty miserable life.

My friend has given this concept a nice slogan (which apparently is from Struck by Lightning by Chris Colfer, which I yet have to read): Why not us? Why shouldn't we become succesful authors? Why the hell not us?

Of course this mindset is not an excuse to become lazy and trust luck. In contrary. I know that I still have a very, very long path in front of me, a path towards my book and towards serious journalism. I still have to learn a lot and improve my writing. I have to improve so much that I'll be able to write the best book I could possibly write. Also, I have to network and find the right people at the right places at the write time which I'll have to convince of my idea. It will be an uphill battle but I am very much willing to fight it. If my book is shitty, then I won't succeed, no matter how often I ask myself; Why not us? But if I have done everything in my power to get close to my dream, then success is possible.

So the next time you scare away from a big dream because it's a tough field and you've heard that only very few make it, ask yourself Why not me? and then go and work your ass off.

Donnerstag, 24. März 2016


On this day in 2015 I posted my very first post "A new start" on here and with it "And then everything changed" was born. Can't believe, it has already been an entire year!

Before I started this blog, I was already blogging on Buzznet which was back in its day an awesome community of bloggers where I met many inspiring people and where celebrities and common people were treated the same. It was my blogging home for many years, but then more and more bloggers left the community and it recently shut down completely. This is why, one year ago, I started "And then everything changed" and it was a great decision!

For me, starting this blog was a huge step. For the first time I had no warm community to support me and shield me from the harsh internet world but I had to make it on my own. I soon found new communities, above all The Indie Chicks, a fabolous online magazine I wrote for, which unfortunately no longer exists, but the Badass Writers Group is still standing strong. I discovered many new, inspiring and sometimes even life-changing blogs and I was swallowed up in the world of (mostly female) bloggers who encoure each other to be badass women. I've enjoyed every moment of creating this blog so far and I hope that many more years of blogging will follow.

When I started this blog in March 2015 I was just about to start a new job at a publishing house, too. This was my first big girl job and I've held it for one year now. I felt so unprepared and overwhelmed in the beginning and to be honest I still feel like that now and then. Last week I attended a major book fair where I organized and held two erotic shows and six readings and let me tell you, huge events like that still make me just as nervous as if it was my first day. Which it is not. Despite my nervouseness, I can see that I have learned a lot during the past year and that I can handle my work better and that most of the time I actually know what I'm doing. Which doesn't keep me from freaking out, now and then. But I think that's just natural. We all fail sometimes, we are scared and insecure. I am turning 25 this year and adulthood often seems like a never ending uphill battle. This is what my blog is all about.

But if I think about the person I was a year ago, I can see that I have changed. Even if I still fall apart from time to time, I am much more stable now, I'm more confident, stronger - or at least I can see it more clearly now than a year ago. Both through this blog as well as through my job, I have developed into stronger version of me.

A lot has changed during the last year, but one thing which remained stable is my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for more than four years now and thorugh all the storms, the battles, the rollercoaster rides he was the one who kept me grounded. No matter how crazy chaotic my day was, when I come home to him at night, really nothing else matters. I think it's important to have something or someone constant in your life. May it be your boyfriend, your sibling, your best friend, your mother, your favorite book, your passion for skateboarding, or your dog. Life can be extremely brutal sometimes but there's a lot of good in it and it's the good that really matters in the end. The hours you spent working or worrying, your salary, your number of followers - all this stuff means nothing, if you don't laugh and smile and spend your time with the people you love.

Here's to one more fabolous blog-year!

Samstag, 12. März 2016

Presenting my photography II

As you may know, I love taking photos and have started to build an online portfolio as a photographer with my Facebook Page. Lately my photography has been all about music with concert and backstage pictures.

Here are my latest pictures (you can check out the older ones here):

1. Concert photography: Tabula Rasa

You can listen to their music here.

2. Concert photography: Green revolution party

Red Banana


Living in a glass house

Tabula Rasa

3. Erotic show Love Bites with Burlesque dancers Elsie Marley & Bana Banana

Sonntag, 6. März 2016

Things I've learned after opening my eyes to what's going on in the world - Part 3

As you may know, I reguarily read the newspaper and now and then I share here the most interesting things I've learned about the world in the last couple of months. This is part 3 of the series, but I would love if you check out part 1 and 2, too.

*of course the main topic in German media is still the refugee crisis and I learned some new facts and ideas about it lately

  1. apparently a lot of refugees try to kill themselves or hurt themselves in order to not be deported back to their home country; however they could just not open the door - German police has no right to break into where they live if they have to be deported; still many do more drastic things f.e. they destroy all their documents because without them they can't send them back, some even chemically burn their fingertips so that nooone can identify them
  2. fleeing is mostly Survival of the Fittest, that's why so many healthy men succeed; Germany puts out the message: to come here will be icredibly hard but if you manage to survive, you might as well find a way to stay; the author of the article argued that we should tell possible refugees right away when and when not they have a right of asylum --- but I think he undererstimates the desparation of most refugees: hope for a better life is stronger than rationality, people aren't rational, they're emotional
  3. there was a fantastic article by Marc Brost and Mark Schieritz which stated that in the beginning everyone was poor, then some people became rich and now the poor come to the rich; they argued that we (the Western wolrd) sold cars in China, got ressources from Africa, placed our old ships at Indian coasts and dumped our trash into the oceans, that's why we became rich; but now globalization turns around and we need to learn to share; we used to think that poor countries become richer simply by trading with the rich countries, but the world doesn't work that way, we destroyed our ecology and it won't be able to hold anymore rich countries; also they argue that even in Germany there are many poor people and of course they don't buy expensive fair trade products, therefore poverty creates more poverty --- economic refugees are a consequense of capitalism and globalization, now we have to pay the price for those two concepts and our system is about to fail
*another huge topic in Germany, as anywhere on Earth at the moment, is the Syrian war

  1. Russia attacked everyone who's against the regime, even in areas where there are no ISIS fighters at all
  2. on the up side, autonomous zones in which people work together, organize themselves and share everything have formed in Syria and this is truly revolutionary
Carne Ross 

*a former diplomat named Carne Ross proclaimed in an interview that the sanctions agains Saddam Hussein most of all hurt the Iraqi people, because of them there was hunger, insufficient medical equipment and not enough water

Brandon Bryant

*also, there was a very interesting story about Brandon Bryant, a US drone pilot: he spoke up against using drones and stated that only 2% of the 5000 deaths of drone attacs were high vaue targets, and for it he was excommunicated from his church, his girlfriend and friends walked away, his credit card was cancelled and the FBI was after him; then the German parliament invited him to speak and now he seeks asylum in Berlin

Dienstag, 1. März 2016

Book recommendation: The Magicians 3 by Lev Grossman + the TV show

I just finished the Magicians series by Lev Grossman. Alltogether it took me more than a year to finish the triology. I read the first book within two months. Afterwards I made a year long pause before continuing, probably because it was just so overwhelming (I still think that the first book is the most overwhelming one, in a good way). Then I've read the second book Magician's King within a month in 2015. And now, finally, I finished the third book Magician's Land. And, as stated before, I still think that The Magicians are the best adult fantasy books I've ever read. They're simply brilliant.

Magician's Land

In Magician's Land we find protagonist Quentin back on Earth, getting involved in some shady business. We get to know how he tried and failed at being a teacher at his old university for magic, Brakebills. But though Quentin was thrown out of Fillory, of course the wonderous dimension is still tightly linked to him. Because in Fillory Elliot and Janet face the end of the world, something they can't deal with on their own. Oh, and Quentin tries to make a land - because there's nothing impossible in the imagination of Lov Grossman.

Quentin Coldwater

While the first book mostly told the story of the whole group of friends, including Elliot, Janet, Josh and Alice and half of the second book was dedicated to Julia's story (still the best part of the entire books series!), the thrid book focuses mainly on Quentin himself. And it's only in this book that I truely understood this character.

I always found Quentin quite unbearable, grumpy and self-destructive and kind of an asshole. Because this is how he was portrayed right from the beginning. And though I'd never be friends with him, I could always relate to him. Quentin is a very ambigious character. The one thing which he consistently does throughout the entire series is to fail. He wants to fly to the moon. He fails. He wants to see the Far Side of the World. He fails. He wants to stay in Fillory. He fails. He wants to steal something. He fails. He wants to make a land. He fails. He wants to be a trustworthy person. He fails. And isn't this just life in a nutshell? You try and you fail. And you repeat this again and again, clinging to the hope that maybe one day you'll finally succed at something.

In Magician's Land Quentin finally, finally grows up. It really gives me hope. Because if an insecure, arrogant guy like him can manage to turn into a decent person who you can even look up to, then all of us have the possibility to one day become the person, we always wanted to be. In the end, I think The Magicians book were simply the story of growing up. And isn't this the most important story there is to tell?

Character development

But it's not just Quentin. I'm totally amazed by what Lev Grossman made of all of his characters. They were all pretty mediocre people, so much, that I couldn't decided who was my favorite because I liked none of them very much. But I still rooted for them, I felt with them, I identified with them, simply because they feel real. They're messed up and imperfect, just like all of us.

In Magician's Land however I found that each one of them has made a huge development towards the better. Elliot went from a depressive alcoholic to a passionate, self-confident leader. Alice went from a controlling girl, to someone with a Fuck-All-attitude. Julia went from an absolute mess to something totally complete. And even the shallow bitch Janet uncovered a deep personality and turned into a total badass. The character development is truly brilliant.

The message

And, most of all, the Magicians books make me feel like I can reach my dreams. They make me want to keep fighting and enjoy the good stuff. They make me want to live. Because what I love most about the books, are not the fairytale like plot parts, but the real stuff. I love the characters' struggles and their journey. I love the message: Life is cruel and terrifying but it's also absolutely wonderful.

The TV show

Also, SiFi Channel started to show a Magicians TV show. The show is quite different from the books, plot wise and character wise. But I think it's good in its own way. When you love a book, it's easy to critisize the movie or TV show based on it because they changed the story, they left out good parts, they added unnessecary plot lines and characters. All of this is true for Magicians. But if you love a book really, really a lot, the way I love Magicians, then, no matter how much they change, the show based on it will always be perfect, as long as they get the atmosphere right. And they nailed that.