And then everything changed

Freitag, 15. September 2017

My Favourite Blogs

I'm not only a blogger but I also love reading other people's blogs. This was my main reason to join the blogger community in the first place. I follow probably more than 100 blogs, but there are a few of which I rarely skip a post, because I like them so much. Here are six of my favourite blogs in no particular order:

Cole Nemeth

Reading Cole's posts feels like listening to a good friend. I like that she's approachable both though her stories which are those of a mother, creative person and dreamer as well as through actually communicating with her readers. I love that her blog is her little space where she can brag and think and write about everything that's important to her, no matter if that's art, her family, movies or beard competitions. I think too many bloggers only think about what people want to read, without even considering what they enjoy writing about. But in the end a true and simple blog like Cole's trumps every overstyled and constructed one any time.

Gala Darling

Gala has one of the most magical blogs out there. She's a witch, a fabolous woman and the author of "Radical Self Love". She's all about improving yourself in ways that feel true to you. Through her blog I got more into spirituality and rituals which help you through life. But I'm also very thankful that she doen's preach that one way of praying or meditating or whatever which will make everything better but always keeps in mind that not everything is for everyone and that some of that stuff might be nothing but bullshit.


Eden has a very personal blog, where she posts mostly sad stories about people she lost and struggles she faces. If you want a blog which will make you happy, this is probably the wrong place. What I love about Eden's posts is that they are real and raw and vulnerable. Also they are extremely well written. She's such a skilled writer, I'm always in awe of the beauty of her words.

The Blogess

This is another blog which deals with tough topics like health issues (both physical and psychological) but which goes at it from a completely different angle. While Jenny's stories are often about dealing with anxiety and other struggles, they are the funniest posts I've ever read. I never skip a post of hers because they are garantued to make me laugh. She's a hilarious author and it inspires me how she uses humor to get through some tough shit. That's how you do it!


Liz is one part of an awesome blogger couple who live in Sweden. She writes about her experiences, her marriage, her vacations and her job and she always manages to make every mundane thing sound absolutely fascinating and inspiring. I love her mantra of slow life, of taking your time and really enjoying every moment.

A Beer for the Shower

Last but not least, here is a blog with little words and many drawings and cartoons. The little comics Brandon and Bryan post are always funny and cheer me up. Also I enjoy how they don't care about political correctness and don't shy away from difficult topics - always in good humor of course.

Dienstag, 5. September 2017

re-publish: Problems = challenges = the start of something amazing

It's only Tuesday and I already feel like at the end of an extremely stressful week. And last week wasn't much better. So instead of posting something new, I'm going to re-publish a post from a year ago which I keep thinking about and which still feels true:

There are times when it seems like every day a new problem arises and your entire life is nothing but problem solving.

I keep thinking about a quote from The Marian movie (which is fantastic by the way) based on a book by Andy Weir. The hero Mark Watney is stranded by himself on Mars and has to find a way to survive on a planet which is deadly in so many ways. The way he makes his disastrous situation work is truly inspiring. Yes, Mark Watney is my idol (regardless of the fact that he is fictional).

At the end of the movie he tells his students:

“At some point, everything’s gonna go south on you and you’re going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem and you solve the next one, and then the next. And if you solve enough problems, you get to go home.”
(Mark Watney, The Martian)
This is very much the essence of life. Life will always be full of problems and you will have to solve one problem after the next in order to move forward. The trick is to not let the problems cloud your entire life. Because if you look close enough, amongst all these problems you can see moments of pure magic: hours spent with your lover watching the night sky, afternoons laughing and drinking coffee with your friends, an inspiring book, a mind blowing movie, the wind which blows though your hair when you stand on a bridge in your home town, bright flowers, bonfires, hikes through the forest, hot chocolate with marshmallows, a beautiful dream. Those are the moments we are living for.

Problems are also challenges. They are a chance to grow and to fight through the storm in order to come out of it as a stronger version of yourself. Problems ask for new ways of thinking, for creative solutions and for change. And yes, change is terrifying, but it can also be the start of something amazing.

Dienstag, 29. August 2017

My Ultimate Ranking of Game of Thrones Main Characters Season 7

Season 7 of Game of Thrones is already over after only seven episodes. Before I start my ranking of the main characters in this season, I have to start by saying that it's pretty obvious that this season wasn't nearly as good as the previous ones.

I mean, of course it was interesting and exciting plot-wise but it was at times really terribly told. The one thing that always set Game of Thrones apart from other fantasy shows was that it was simply a very well told story. It was coherent and logical and thorough and still breathtaking. In this season they lost this professional way of storytelling which makes me kind of sad. I get that there are no more books to base it on and apparently storytelling without a book to work with is pretty hard. Still I think that it was a wrong decision to make only seven episodes for this season. That would have been absolutely fine if they were well made but unfortunately the quality suffered from it. There were so many illogical, pointless and rushed plotlines which could have been avoided if they just slowed it down a bit and took their time doing it right instead of rushing to the final season without a second thought. In my opinion they should have better used the money they spent on extravagant special effects (the dead ice bear was seriously so unnessecary!) on a couple more episodes.

With that said, it's still an interesting show and there are still some characters alive which I care for, so let's get to it!


Characters I Love

1. Sansa Stark

I'm a total fan of the Lady of Winterfell! I adore her storyline more than any other. All the shit she had to go through from Joffrey over Ramsey till Littlefinger made her a strong women who won't let anyone break her down. She proved this in the finale episode of season 7. When she was waiting for Arya (seemingly to have her killed) I already braced myself for defending Sansa against the haters, whatever she will do. But then she instead had Littlefinger killed and showed everyone that noone plays games with her anymore. Sansa won't take any shit from men anymore.

It really moved me that she stood up not only for herself but also for her family including Arya who treats her like shit most of the time. But Sansa is a true Stark, loyal to her pack. I loved seeing her rule over Winterfell and I'm kind of sad that Jon is about to return. I think that Sansa is smarter and more capable of ruling than most of the other characters. She definitely is a better leader than Jon because she actually cares about her people and doesn't sail of to fall in love with a foreign queen. Winterfell belongs to Sansa - both legally because she is the oldest surviving Stark and because she deserves it most. I was so annyoed by Jon permanently dismissing her opinion though she was right every time but it made me happy to see the Northern Lords wanting her as their leader.

2. Jaime Lannister

Wonderful, handsame, loving Jamie who once threw a kid out of a window for the women he loves, his sister Cercei. Ever since then Jaime's love for Cercei has been the only thing he cares about in the world. He proved again and again and again that he would do everything for her. Until the final episode of season 7. Jaime left Cercei to fight with Danaerys and Jon against the White Walkes in the North. I admit that I was shocked by this betrayal, especially because he believes Cercei to be pregnant.

It's very uncharacteristic for Jaime to abandon her like this. Watching this scene I wondered: Why? It can't be because Jaime doesn't want to break their oath because as loyal as he is to his family, he's not a very honorable man towards anyone else. So either he betrayed her because he is truly afraid of the White Walkers or because of Tyrion. Wouldn't be the first time he betrayed his sister for his brother and it was obvious during the last couple episodes that he still loves Tyrion very much. Jaime is not okay with Cercei's way of basically declaring war against most of Westeros but what did he expect? In conclusion, I can't quite go along with Jaime's decision to go North but I still think that he's a perfectly built character and I'm looking forward to seeing where his journey will lead. There has to be a reason, he's still alive. He will play a role in the end game, even if this role will be killing Cercei.

3. Jon Targaryen

I can now officially call him Jon Targaryen because there's no doubt anymore that Jon is not Ed Stark's son and that he isn't a bastard. The first I have expected for a while, the second was rather suprising. Plus, he's sleeping with Danaerys now, so what the hell will this turn into? A happy family? Fights and death? Definitely some confusion.

I'm changing my mind about Jon all the time. I loved him most in season 4 when he defended the wall gainst the wildlings full hero-mode on, but got more and more annoyed by his grumpy and self-destructive manners till the end of season 6. This season however I have falled in love with Jon all over again. It was so sexy how he threatened Littlefinger and when he told Danaerys that she can't tell him what to do, I was pretty much head over heels. Not entirely sure what to make out of the whole Jon + Dany thing, especially because I have always disliked Danaerys, but this will obviosly be a major thing in the next season, possible even the one thing this show is really about, so I guess I have to go with it. I hope we see more of this confident Jon in the future.

Still I think that he's a pretty awful leader. There's a reason he was stabbed by his brothers from the Night's Watch. In season 7 he did the same again, teaming up with people who have nothing to do with his people, the Northerners, who he couldn't care about less. I guess Jon just wants to save everyone from the White Walkers, but he is far from loyal to his people or his family for that matter. The only way of teaching him the concept of loyality is apparantely being Danaerys and sleeping with him. Let's talk about him denying Cercei's wish to not bend the knee before Danaerys. This was so stupid! It was also very unlike Jon, as he has said again and again that the only thing that matters is defeating the White Walkers in whatever way possible. Seems that now he cares more about seducing Danaerys. Well, love makes smart people stupid and it wouldn't suprise me if Jon was to die for his love just like his pseudo-brother Robb Stark did back in season 3.

4. Euron Greyjoy

It's kind of embarrassing how much I enjoy Euron Greyjoy. I loved the first half of this season because those episodes showed Euron being the badass he is! Destroying his sister's fleet and flirting with Cercei with his rough sailor's charme. Hell, yes! Give me more of this! I was so sad that he wasn't featured in the middle episodes of this season and glad to see him back in the finale one. Obviously Euron didn't flee like a coward but was in on Cercei's secret evil plan. He makes being evil look so sexy.

Characters I Like

5. Tyrion Lannister

It's very hard not to like Tyrion. He's the only character who isn't making terrible decisions and being a terrible human at times. Tyrion is smart and kind and he actually wants the best for Westeros, which is why I still want him to sit on the Iron Throne more than anyone else. (Though I know that this is very improbable.) Let's be honest, Danaerys would be totally lost without Tyrion. He's the only character you can actually look up to.

His scenes in the finale episode were so emotional, I almost cried. Seriously Jaime and him communicating with glares. He knows that Jaime still loves him despite the fact that Tyrion killed their father and that's why he would never do anything to harm him. It broke my heart watching Tyrion and Jaime leading opposed armies in that one episode. Then there was the scene which showed Tyrion talking with Cercei alone. Sure, it was totally stupid of him to believe her (another uncharacteristic developement) but come one, how he practically begged for forgiveness for indirectly killing Cercei's children was so beautiful. It proved that reagardless of all the shit he suffered from the hands of his family, especially Cercei, he still feels like he belongs to them and doesn't want to harm them. He still wants nothing more than to be accepted and loved by Cercei (who is 50% of the family he has left), though it's ridicolous to think that this will ever happen. At least now that Jaime is coming to join him, we'll hopefully see some brotherly love coming our way.

5. Cercei Lannister

Yes, I like Cercei and I doubt that there's anything she could do to make me stop liking her. We all know that at this point she's going crazy. She has lost all her children and now all she wants is power and she would do anything to get it. And damn, is she good at it! She won more battles so far than Danaerys and her lie in the finale episode was brutal but absolutely genius. She has always been mean but now she is mean and incredibly smart. She's terrifying in a good way.

That scene with Tyrion was so good! She played her part so well, I even believed her though it spoke against everything I knew about her. During this talk she showed herself vulnerable and afraid and human. It was all fake but it almost made me cry. When she decided not to kill Tyrion, it touched me so much. We then found out that she didn't kill him because this would have ruined her plan but in that moment I was awestruck. The only reason I could think of for her to spare him was that she knew that Jaime would hate her for it and she couldn't stand that. But as we also found out later, Jaime hates her anyway. Still at least she didn't kill Jaime but let him go. I was so relieved. Jaime is truly the only person in the entire world who loves her, if she had him killed, this would mean that there is no turning around for her. In the scene where Cercei told everyone that she will support the fight against the White Walkers she was for a brief moment the women Jaime always knew she could be. But sadly that women is long gone. Cercei's journey will probably only go downhill from here on but I'm still exited to watch her fight.

Characters I'm Neutral Towards

6. Littlefinger

Wow, Littlefinger's death was such an awesome scene! Still, I'm a bit sad. I didn't exactly like Littlefinger but I respected him. He was a self-made man who came to enorm power with nothing but his wit. He was so smart and for years and years he always was the one in control, always playing everyone else. Well in season 7 he failed both because he made Sansa into an even better player at the game than he is and because he didn't count in the literal know-it-all Bran. That whole storyline with Littlefinger setting up a fight between Sansa and Arya was so terrible, I felt uncomfortable watching it. Which is why I cheered when the two sisters in the end teamed up to end Littlefinger instead. Still I think that he never got enough credit. I also think that he did love Sansa, he just loved playing the game a bit more.

7. Sam Tarly

Well, I really don't care about Sam. I've found him and Gilly a cute couple in the past but now that he's talking over her, not listening to her and then taking credit for her discovery, they don't seem so perfect anymore. I'm not sure what Sam's personality really is and to be honest most times he feels like a simple plot device. His function was to reveal the secret of Jon's parents being married and therefore him being the legitimate heir of the Iron Throne and apparently to heal Jorah for whatever reason. Now that he did these things, I wonder why he is still there. It might be that he will be of help in the wars to come because of his education (there has to be a reason he came back to Winterfell) but it's just as possible that he'll die soon.

Characters I Hate

8. Bran Stark

Seriously, what the hell? Okay Bran became the Three Eyed Raven and is now apparently not human anymore, which just means that he's no fun to watch. (Though he was never much fun to watch, even before he went all psycho.) He basically has no personality. I know that he's going to be a major player in the last season because he is pretty much the most powerful being there is at this point, but still he's so annoying. Why didn't he use his power to do any good? So far all he did was help condem Littlefinger, but he could do so much bigger things with his abilities.

9. Danaerys Targaryen

I hated Danaerys from the very start and I'm still no fan of her. I just can't stand the way she talks and the emotionless decisions she makes. So far I was able to simply ignore her storyline but now that she's in Westeros I can't anymore. She for once doesn't get the last place in my ranking though and the only reason for this is Jon. Jon has already made Danaerys so so much better. Her face softened and I loved that at last there's someone who is brave enough to stand up against her (and seduce her). I couldn't care less about watching Danaerys live and now love, but if it means I can watch a naked Jon, I'm gonna take it.

10. Arya Stark

Ugh, Arya is simply the worst. Okay she did stand by Sansa's side in the finale episode, so she kind of redeemed herself after all the crap she pulled before but I still think she's aweful. I never cared much about her but now she just annoys me so much. That whole Bravos story line was so boring and for what? I have expected something epic coming out of this but I was disappointed. Sure she did kill the Freys but since then all she did was be creepy and give Sansa shit about stuff that wasn't her fault. The things she said to Sansa made me so mad. She's so unempathetic. I wouldn't mind if she died soon, not at all. Her psychopath personality is simply so terrible.

So here it, is my Ultimate Ranking of Game of Thones Main Characters Season 7. Who's your favorite and least favorite character?

Donnerstag, 24. August 2017

If it gives you a little joy in this horrible world - go for it!

A while ago I heard the fabolous Ru Paul say this on a podcast:
"If it gives you a little joy in this horrible world - go for it." 

I think they were talking about people who have Instagram accounts for their cats and dogs and he was all for it. He was all for everything that gives you joy. And I think he's absolutely right. Just to be clear: if it gives you joy to torture people, do not go for it. In fact, I'd suggest you rather go to a therapist and/or psychiatrist. But I'm not talking about psychopaths here, I'm talking about regular people who enjoy little stupid things which they might be embarrassed about.

I see people judging others for pretty much everything on a daily basis. They make fun of them or think less of them or talk behind their back because they did something which doesn't fit into their category of enjoyment, like maybe creating an Instagram acount for their pet or having a personal blog or wearing too tight leggins or listening to Taylor Swift or putting pinapple on their pizza. So much gossip is based on such mundane things, both gossip about people we know and about celebrities. Don't get me wrong I love gossip like the next person (possibly even a little more) but there's a difference between gossiping and making people feel bad about what they enjoy.

If you gossip about someone you don't know, it might be a waste of energy but it doesn't really do anything. The person wearing that awful outfit in the bus probably doesn't care about you or your opinion at all. But if you don't understand your friends' "guilty pleasures" (which is a stupid term in itself because pleasure does not equal guilt) and tell them how stupid you think their love for childrens' cartoons or women's magazines is, they might start to feel embarassed for it and stop doing it or at least start to hide it.

There's no reason to be embarassed about the things you enjoy! It doesn't matter how ridiculous other people find it, if you like it - go for it! The world is awful enough as it is with terror and racism and hate and conflict everywhere you look. If something still manages to make you smile in the midst of all of it, this means there's still some hope. So let's stop calling our pleasures guilty and instead be proud of them!

Some of my "guilty pleasures" include: Justin Bieber's "Love yourself" (totally obsessed with it), Vampire Diaries, The Selection, The Magicians tv show (so bad but so good), celebrity gossip (I have a gossip app on my phone which I check daily) as well as real life gossip, the Law of Attraction and anything connected to it, analyses of Game of Thrones episodes which are twice as long as the actual episode, writing in my diary, pictures of people kissing, Nina Dobrev (I used to carry a picture of her around in my purse as an inspiration), Cosmopolitan, the LadyGang podcast and Facebook group, and so so much more. I don't care if people disagree with my favourites (mostly their disagreement actually makes sense to me), but if I stopped being exited about those things, life would be pretty dull. So let's just not stop being exited about little things.

Mittwoch, 16. August 2017

#Readmyowndamnbooks Challenge 2017 - Mid August Update

It's time for another update of the Read My Own Damn Books Challenge. It has been a couple of months since my last reading update and there are still many unread books in my shelves, but I did make some progress. I've read four of my books during the last months and I didn't buy any new ones.

Philipp Schmidt - Schattengewächse. Auftakt: This is a German distopia book, the first of a series. I went to a reading of the author and found it intriguing enough to buy it together with a friend. The reason it's not on the photo above is because it's already at my friend's now. The book itself was fine. It wasn't phenomal but it wasn't bad either. There were many interesting ideas of a world ruled by huge companies plus some witchery and stuff. What I didn't like was the portayal of the main character. He was this tough fighter ex-con which is fine but the story was for a big part told from his view and I found it a bit strange that he never really showed any emotions, not even in his thoughts, not even after a huge loss and threat. I got sick of him after a while. The next books focus more on other characters but I still don't think that I will continue with the series - it worked as a stand-alone fine, too.

Holly Smale - Geek Girl: This is the final book of the Geek Girl series which like most of my books I picked up spontaneously second hand. I've read the first and second book of the series, so I missed a couple of books before the final one but it was no problem at all. It was a fun and quick read, which I enjoyed very much. I like the tone of the Geek Girl books and there definitely were some pretty passages which felt true to me. The know-it-all attitude of the main character is always on the edge of been cute and being annoying, though. It was a well written and deserving finale of a fun book series.

Harold Robbins - The Storyteller: So this book was an utter suprise. I had no idea what it was about except that it's soft erotica and that the main character is a writer. As sex and writing are pretty much my two favourite things in the world, I was instantly on board with it and I wasn't disappointed. Turns out the novel is set during the Second World War, however the protagonist, a Jew living in the US, never goes to war, first because he makes some shady deal which has him working as a drug dealer and pimp, then because his writing which started with erotic short stories takes off, he moves to Hollywood and becomes a successful screenwriter. This book was a delight to read. It was juicy in every possible way, from the intrigues over the struggles up to the sex scenes. To be honest, the way women are portrayed wouldn't be publishable in the 21st century but it was fun nevertheless.

Keira Cass - Selection: I was kind of afraid of this book. I decided against buying and reading it so many times because it didn't seem to be my kind of book, but now I finally gave it a try. And I'm so glad I did! I was a bit nervous because I have a really hard time with fantasy at the moment, I just can't get into it, so I was relieved to find out that so far there has been no fantasy at all. The story is set in a post-apocalyptic society with castes. The main character is from a lower caste but is selected to participate in a casting through which the prince chooses his future wife. Regardless of the distopian setting, it feels very contemporary. There is a love triangle and the first book is truly only about the love story with a few mentions of terrorists now and then. Though I have been waiting for the terrorists to become a bigger plotline, I was fine with the shallow beginning of the series. I truly enjoyed it, because as it turns out I apparently like love literature. To be honest, it was pretty predictable but I didn't really mind. I have already purchased the next three books as ebooks and am reading the second one right now. It is already better in regard of unpredictabilily than the first one and has more action (though there's still a lot of love stuff, too.) It has been a long time since I really dept deep into a series, reading one book after the other, but I am ready to dive all in with the Selection series.

I'm not listing the books I want to read soon, as I never keep up with my plans and as the four other books of the Selection series will occupy me for a while anyway.

Mittwoch, 9. August 2017

My College Years

I am almost done with university. Well, if having to do one more semester counts as almost. I'm through with all my classes. Now all I have to do is write three more papers and one thesis and take an oral exam- If everything goes well, I'll be getting my Master's degree next spring. On one hand I'm a bit nervous because when I stop being a student, I will finally have to figure out what else to do with my life. But on the other hand I'm glad that my college years are coming to an end. Though they were mostly awesome, I've studied alltogether for almost nine years (with many breaks and detours) and at some point it's just enough.

I got my High School diploma in 2009 and started studying immediatly after. I always dreamed of being a student. When I was a teenager I looked up to the students I knew because they seemed so mature and independent and cool, they always went to parties and discussed important topics. I wanted to be like that. I waned to have a legendary univeristy experience. And it truly was pretty epic.

I started studying European Studies in a little town in South Germany, but I couldn't have cared less for my classes. I was all about the college life. In 2009 there was a huge student protest movement in Germany and all over Europe against the new Bachelor/Master system, against tuitions and more - and I was in the middle of it. We occupied the biggest lecture hall and it was so much fun. But we also were serious about our fight. We did so many cool things, performances, strikes, demonstrations, art, everything. I loved it. I had a protest blog and because of a university intern scandal I found out about and which I wrote about, my blog blew up. Many people were not happy with my involvement but I stood up for what I believed in. I also critizised the official university blog for being too one-sided, till the editor asked me to write for it, to make it more diverse. My whole job was pretty much pointing out all the flaws in the systems. It was so much fun. We also reached some of our goals: attendance at the classes was not mandatory anymore and the university counsel got another student representative. Also years later the tuition was abolished.

But with all the protesting, obviously I was way behind with my classes. I think in the end of the semester I took only one exam. Besides protesting, I also really liked to party. I went out with friends most nights, stayed out till the early morning hours and slept till the afternoon. Those truly were the easy times.

In my very first week at university I met my best college friend who later became my roommate. It was pretty much friendship at first sight. We bonded on similar levels of craziness and got along instantly. At the end of my first semester I found out that I had to move out of my room like the next day. I didn't know where to go, so my friend suggested I move into her room. We changed apartments once more during our Bachelor years but we shared a room for the rest of the time. In Germany this is not common at all. People thought it was strange that we lived in the same room, there were many rumors about us, including that we're a lesbian couple. Rumors and gossip was a huge deal in that small university town anyway. It was a pretty conservative catholic town, so that every little wild move was a big deal.

After my first semester, I decided to change my major. I realized that the only subject of European Studies which interested me was Politics, so I changed to Governance and Public Policy which was much more up my sleeve. Which didn't mean that I got any better in actually attending classes in my second semester. I was still very ative in protest groups. Also I was dating a guy living in Berlin at this time and skipped school to visit him. For a couple of months I was head over heals for him but it soon faded. Deep down I still believed that love is a scam.

Then my first big summer break came and it too was epic. I spend two weeks in San Francisco with my best childhood friend. It was such a magical time and I fell in love with this city. San Francisco is still my favourite city on this planet and I can't wait to go back there. I also went on an Interrail trip with an old High School friend who is still my best friend after all these years. We traveled around Europe for one month, always traveling by train, staying at friends', in Hostels or camping. This was such a sensational trip. We went to Milano, Cannes, Arles, Bordeaux, Paris, London and Exeter. Our planning wasn't the best and many things went wrong but the spontanity and unpredictability of the trip was also exiting. We had the time of our lives and I could write an entire post about this trip.

After summer break, everything seemed a bit dull back at my university. I broke up with the guy I was seeing. The protests quieted down. Also I was really getting into problems because I was so behind with my studies. I didn't reach the minium points which you were supposed to have in your third semester and they wanted to kick me out. But I talked with my professor and he put in a good word for me to give me another chance. However I knew I had to speed up a bit.

We moved into another apartment, away from the ghetto with creepy neighbors we lived in before into the old town which was so much better. Still I somehow had enough of school for the moment. So I took two vacation semesters and got out of there.

I moved back to my hometown and did several jobs. First I worked for an online portal and wrote about shops etc. in my town which was awesome. Then I did an internship at a big Germany newspaper but I didn't like it and quit. Then I worked for an advertisement company which was alright.

I dreamed of studying abroad. Originally I wanted to go to Great Britain but they told me I would have no chance there with my crappy marks and I should try the US where there are more universities to choose from. I applied for a partner program from my university with the University of South Alabama but I wasn't accepted. Then my professor sent me infos on another program with the Western Michigan University and I was accepted there. I was beyond happy! In August 2011 I finally made my way across the Atlantic Ocean.

My exchange semester truly was everything. It was fun and scary and interesting and overwhelming and magical and life-changing. I took writing classes which was awesome. In the beginning I went to all the parties and it was fun for a while but it also got pretty exhausting after some time. I felt like all the relationships I had were only superficial. I finally made friends with other international exchange students.

One of them was a fellow German student. We became best friends but I fell in love with him pretty quickly. Love is probably the wrong word, obsession is more accurate. We actually started dating after a while which is when everything fell apart. I don't want to get into the details but it got ugly. He dumped me and I was heartbroken.

Then there was this other guy, an American, who hang around with my friends now and then but I didn't really know him. The night after my ex broke up with me, he found me crying and consoled me. Three days later we kissed for the first time. A week later we went to prom together. More than five years later, last month, we got engaged.

The people I met during my exchange semester who I thought were going to be real friends, disappointed me. I was upset but in the end they didn't matter. What mattered was him, as I soon grew to love him, really love him like I never loved someone before.

In December I went home to Germany and had to leave him behind. It was a really difficult time, but we visited each other. I actually went back for almost two months and stayed with him because I couldn't stand being apart from him. In May 2012 he moved to Germany. I was back at my old univerity city. He moved in with me for some months, then started an exchange year at another univeristy.

Suddenly I didn't care about all the parties and protests anymore. I couldn't wait to get my degree so that I could start my future with him. Which is why I did so many classes and took so many exams till I was done with them three semesters later.

My boyfriend was done with his exchange year too and we both moved back to Michigan. I wrote by Bachelor thesis and he finished his Bachelor degree. I also did an internship at a newspaper over there which was amazing! It was such a great experience! I had to do one more semester because I failed an exam and had to re-take it. But in summer 2014 I finally got my Bachelor degree.

We moved back to Germany, to another city. My bofriend started a Master program over there. Actually I was already tired of studying and wanted to work but I didn't find a job and also I didn't really know what I wanted to do. My Mum suggested that I also do a Master, so I thought: Why not? But if I continue studying, I want to do something different. So I started a Master's program in German literature. It was really interesting.

After a semester a publishing house to which I had applied for a training program after by Bachelor, contacted me and the publisher said that someone left the company and now they have an open spot. I took the opurtunity and paused my studies. For the next one and a half years I worked for this publishing house. It was stressful but it was also an amazing experience which shaped me into the person I am today. I learned that I'm actually good at things I never expected to be good at. I got a lot more confortable with social situations, people in general and big crowds.

After the trainee program ended, the publisher offered me to continue working there but I decided to continue my Master's program. It was still really interesting and I already wrote papers on so many fascinating subjects. I'm looking forward to working on my thesis but I'm also looking forward to being done with studying once and for all though I'm not sure what will come after. It feels weird to think that next year I won't be a student anymore. My college years are coming to an end and it truly feels like the end of an era. Also I'm getting married soon, so I'm optimistic that it will be the beginning of a new era full of even better and bigger things. I can't wait.

Dienstag, 1. August 2017

Don't wait for the perfect moment

A lot of things are happening in my life right now and the truth is they would never have happened if I waited for the perfect moment, the perfect day, the perfect oppurtunity.

When I was younger I used to think that you can only make significant decisions in your life, when everything else is in order. You have to have it all figured out to move forward - or so I thought. Which obviously is utter bullshit. My idea of making a decision was taking a long walk, rationally contemplating the pros and cons and then making a consious, well-informed decision. Well, I can't think of any major decision in my life since I graduated High School (which was eight years ago) which I made that way.

Usually things just somehow happen to me. An oppurtunity comes my way and I either grab it or leave it. (In most cases I take it.) Even if it might seem like these decisions were initiated by someone else or even by fate and I just spontanously react to them, I think that sub-consiously I still made this happen. I notice an ad for a job and spontanously apply to it, which turns out to be an awesome position. I get the oppurtunity of a job training I applied to six months ago because now a position has opened up. I kiss a guy because I was heart-broken over my ex and he was nice and sweet and handsome - and five and a half years later we're still in love and just got engaged. You get what you send out into the world. Oppurtunities happen because your attitude makes you notice certain things which align to your mood and needs.

My point is, if you wait for the perfect moment to make a big move, you are going to wait forever because life will never be perfect. Neither your career nor your private life has to be perfect in order for you to move forward.

So stop saving that pretty dress for a special occasion. Stop hiding that expensive wine for the day you reach that major milestone. Stop keeping yourself from doing something you want, because it's not the right time. Timing is always crappy. Just do it. Life's short, so tell the person you're in love with how you feel, quit your job and take on your passion project, accept that ring if you want to spend your life with someone, hug your family, have amazing sex, go on the trip you dreamed of. Do it now. The perfect moment will never be there but if you stop waiting for it your life will be perfect on an everyday basis.

Freitag, 28. Juli 2017

Recap of the Game Of Thrones Season 7 Story Lines

Game of Thrones is back and I'm already obsessed with the new season, which is why I decided to recap the story lines and comment them.

*** SPOILER ALERT for Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1 + 2 ***

The King of the North and his Sister (or Cousin)

So, Jon Snow is truly King of the North, which by itself is fine, he is a very righteous man who wants nothing but the best for the people, even if by this he means all people and not his people - which might be his biggest problem. The scene in episode 1 where he decides to forgive those houses who fought for Ramsay Bolton against him pretty much sums up what kind of person Jon is. Yes, he does want justice, but not as much as uniting as many houses as possible to fight the Wight Walkers. To be fair, he's absolutely right with this, as the White Walkers are the biggest threat to Westeros, but his way of welcoming traitors and enemies into his rows is dangerous. After all this is what got him killed once, when he stood by the Wildling after they raided villages, robbed them, killed hundreds of people and burned their houses to the ground. It looks like Jon has learned nothing from being stabbed by his brothers at the Night's Watch. So though I believe that Jon is trying to do the right thing, I have to agree with Sansa that he does it in a massively stupid way.

Speaking of Sansa, she has become one of my favourite characters and I'm totally rooting for her. She is smart and fierce and badass and she is absolutely right about everything she says. She has learned quite a bit in the midst of all the shit she had to go through and she came out a bigger and better person. I adore her. I'm so annoyed by Jon constantly undermining her knowledge and never listening to her to the point where I even hope he will feel the bad cosequences of this soon. At least now he has left Winterfell in her hands. There is also Littlefinger at her side but I think by now Sansa is not in any way weaker than Littlefinger, in fact she is manipulating him. We all know that Littlefinger wants Sansa and wants to sit on the Iron Throne with her by his side and though this will probably not happen, it's definitely not the worst that could happen. Sansa deserves better than living in her brother's (I mean cousin's) shadow.

By the way, the only time I liked Jon in season 7 so far, was when he grabbed Littlefinger and threatened to hurt him if he touches Sansa (though he will obviously not be able to do so, as he is leaving her alone with him in Winterfell). I want to see more of this passionate, dangerous Jon Snow, because the calm and reasonable one bores me so much.

Cerceis Reign and her Suitor

In Kingslanding Cercei is sitting on the Iron Throne. After all her children died, she is left with nothing to loose and totally made this her mantra. Unfortunately she has run out of allies, which is why she envited Euron Greyjoy, who wants to marry her but first he has to bring her a present. I thought the present might be Tyrion or possible a dragon (as in the books he has a horn which controls dragons) but it turns out it's destroying the fleet of his relatives Yara and Theon Greyjoy. This scene was so cool and I was happy to see such a fun fighting scene already in episode 2. While Yara is captured, Theon pulls a Theon, jumps over board and flees. But Euron still has Yara Greyjoy and (more importantly) the queen of Dorne who poisened Cercei's daughter Myrcella to bring Cercei. Plus the fact that he totally ruined Danaerys plan and robbed her of two of her Westerosian allies which I was glad to see.

Can we pause a moment to appreciate how hot Euron is? I didn't see it in season 6 (not at all) but his new look and his Viking's rough charm really gets me. I can't wait to see more of him!

In the meantime Cercei is rallying more lords around her though she is utterly unpopular but they still fear her and prefer her over Danaerys' foreign army. Also there's still Jaime at her side, handsome, loyal, brave Jaime who is still fighting her fight though he has lost all his children. The only thing he is fighting for anymore is Cercei herself, so let's see how long this will be enough for him. Many people predict that he will turn against her soon, which might happen at some point, but I still think that people underestimate how much he loves her.

Arya's Serial Murder Spree

So, Arya has turned into a serial murderer. She killed the entire Frey family and was on her way to do the same with the Lannisters, before she got to know that her favourite brother (or rather cousin) Jon is King of the North and decided to go there instead. Which was honestly a huge relieve. First, because if the rest of the show is Arya going from enemy to enemy and slaughtering everyone, this would get boring fast. Secondly, because her new murderer self is absolutely disturbing. She is truly broken beyond repair and now she has the ability to make her sad murder spree a success (but at what cost?).

Danaerys is Playing War

So, Danaerys has finally (after six seasons) arrived in Westeros which means that the Essos story lines are coming to an end. Next to the Greyjoys and the Dornish (which are both in Euron's power now), she has the Tyrells as allies, also Tyrion and Varys are on her side, plus now obviously the Red Priestress, who is very powerful. She also has a plan, which I won't get into here, because I couldn't care less about Danaerys. In fact, after six seasons she still annoys the hell out of me. Now she has invited Jon Snow and he accepted which will be interesting but is just another one of Jon's decision which makes him unpopular among his own people. I do like Tyrion and I enjoy watching him and I can understand why he is standing against his family after he has suffered so much shit from them.

Sam is Solving Mysteries in Old Town

Sam is training to be a master in old town with the goal to find ways to fight the White Walkers. He just found out, that there's a gigantic pile of Dragon Glass beneath Dragonstone, where Danaerys has moved in, which kills White Walkers and which is the reason Jon is going there (though he was eager to do so even before he found out about the Dragon Glass). I still wonder, how they're going to get the Dragon Glass. They probably whould have to blow up the entire city to get there, right? Also Sam is helping Jorah to get rid of his Grey Scale, because he is a very decent guy after all.

Bran Possible Screwed Everything Up (Again)

Bran has passed the wall and there's a theory that this will liften the magic boundery which keeps the White Walkers out, as he has been marked by the White Walker leader. So, it's quite possible that the White Walkers will either walk around the Wall or just knock it down. Either way they will get into Westeros. I am excited for all the remaining Starks (Sansa, Bran and Arya) being united soon, though.

The Hound is a Prophet Now

Oh, and there was the bit about the Hound looking into the fire and seeing said White Walkers passing the wall, which seems like a pretty accurate prediction. He is travelling with the Brotherhood without Banners who serve the God of Light which makes an entertaining combination of people.

That's what happened so far. I can't wait to see more of Euron, of Cercei and Jaime as well as of Sansa being her usual classy self. This is going to be an epic season.

Mittwoch, 19. Juli 2017

Quotes to guide me in my 26th year

Sorry, that I missed the post last week - so much was going on. Among other I turned 26! I originally wanted to choose 26 quotes but as I have saved like 1500 quotes it was tough to narrow them down to only 26, so here are a few more (or more precisely: a lot more!). Here's to a hopefully sensational 26th year of my life!