I keep wondering: Am I totally sucking at being an adult or does everyone in their 20s feel this way? I'm constantly torn between "this is normal and I kind of enjoy it", and "I'm the absolute worst at getting my shit together".
Most of these days I feel like this:
While all around me people are getting married and they are having awesome jobs and they are publishing books and they are already having kids. What the hell?!
The truth is I don't even want all of these things (or more specifically: I have no idea what I want) but to hear what others in my age are up to and to see their Facebook status definitely freaks me out.
This is what I felt like when I missed the train some weeks ago (again) and realized that I am definetly the Queen of Failure. But then I looked at my life from a distance, and I saw a lot of things I like: I saw a functioning relationship and trustworthy friends, I saw good books and good music, I saw a roof over my head and food in my fridge (even some vegetables), I saw a salary on my bank account (a ridicolous small salary but at least it's a salary). I might not be where my teenage self expected me to be in my mid-twenties, but I am not a total failure either. All in all I am doing okay. Sometimes okay is enough to keep going and to keep fighting until your okay turns into not-shitty-at-all and this turns into kind-of-awesome. This is where I'm heading.
I also realized two things which put everything into perspective:
1. To think that everyone except you is leading the perfect life is a lie.
Those people who have thriving careers and are getting married and pregnant are still the minority and they might not even be happy. People tend to show the world only their successes and hide their failures, so if someone appears like they have their shit together, the truth might be that they are struggling just as much as I am.
2. You don't have to live your life like everyone else does.
We think that there is a plan to life which goes something like this: graduate from High School, study, get a high paying job, get married, buy a house, have children, and so on. But this is a lie! There is no plan for life, each of us has to find their own way. The traditional CV might make some people happy, but nor does it guarentee happiness, neither is it the only way to happyness. You can never become rich and successful and still accomplish something. You can never get married or start a family and still live a fullfilled life. All those things are just suggestions and you are here to figure out wether you want some of these things or not. And this is exactly what I am trying to do at the moment.