Stop being a grumpy asshole and have a good laugh #5

Life is tough and times are hard ... I know the drill. So here are some pictures and memes which make me laugh - I hope they'll put a smile on your face, too.

Don't wait for the perfect moment

A lot of things are happening in my life right now and the truth is they would never have happened if I waited for the perfect moment, the perfect day, the perfect oppurtunity.

When I was younger I used to think that you can only make significant decisions in your life, when everything else is in order. You have to have it all figured out to move forward - or so I thought. Which obviously is utter bullshit. My idea of making a decision was taking a long walk, rationally contemplating the pros and cons and then making a consious, well-informed decision. Well, I can't think of any major decision in my life since I graduated High School (which was eight years ago) which I made that way.

Usually things just somehow happen to me. An oppurtunity comes my way and I either grab it or leave it. (In most cases I take it.) Even if it might seem like these decisions were initiated by someone else or even by fate and I just spontanously react to them, I think that sub-consiously I still made this happen. I notice an ad for a job and spontanously apply to it, which turns out to be an awesome position. I get the oppurtunity of a job training I applied to six months ago because now a position has opened up. I kiss a guy because I was heart-broken over my ex and he was nice and sweet and handsome - and five and a half years later we're still in love and just got engaged. You get what you send out into the world. Oppurtunities happen because your attitude makes you notice certain things which align to your mood and needs.

My point is, if you wait for the perfect moment to make a big move, you are going to wait forever because life will never be perfect. Neither your career nor your private life has to be perfect in order for you to move forward.

So stop saving that pretty dress for a special occasion. Stop hiding that expensive wine for the day you reach that major milestone. Stop keeping yourself from doing something you want, because it's not the right time. Timing is always crappy. Just do it. Life's short, so tell the person you're in love with how you feel, quit your job and take on your passion project, accept that ring if you want to spend your life with someone, hug your family, have amazing sex, go on the trip you dreamed of. Do it now. The perfect moment will never be there but if you stop waiting for it your life will be perfect on an everyday basis.

My life is dumber than my phone

I finally have a smart phone which deserves its name. My previous one couldn't have any apps because it's software was too old and everything took forever to load. But my new phone can have all the apps and I can access everything instantly. Finally I get it. I get why everyone under 50 has a smart phone and why everyone is staring at it as if the answer to all of world's problems lies within. It's because it makes everything seem so easy.

I'm totally amazed. I can get the news, the latest gossip and the updates of friends who live at the other side of the Atlantic ocean with one click. I can know the answer to every question with one Google search. I can get inspiration through Instagram permanently. I can text with my friends in another city. My new phone is so fast and I'm getting a bit dizzy from all the possibilities. Suddenly everything is accessible to me all the time. It's all so easy.

But at the same time it makes me realize how much my real life is not that way. In my real life I have to move to a new apartment and packing and cleaning is exhausting. It takes forever. It is all so, so slow. On my phone I can see pictures of the other side of the world, or hell, even of outer space in a second. In real life it takes me almost an hour to travel from home to work every day.

In real life everything is so uncertain. What will happen? Where will I be in three months? Will I find a job? Will I be with the one I love? Where will we live? I want to know the answer right now but real life is not as smart as my phone. In real life I have to wait for things. It's slow and hard and unfair. I have to fight for every little thing. But it is real. I wish my life would be as easy and satisfying as my new smart phone. But it will never be. So I will take the long road, walk the tough path, deal with the unjustice, wait for the answers and put up a fight for what I love. Because no matter how shiny and fascinating my smart phone is, in the end it's my real life that matters. It's the only thing I have.

You don't have to live your life like everyone else does

Lately I have felt quite lost in life. I feel like the older I get, the less I know what to do with my life. When I was a teenager I had it all figured out: my studies, my career, my perfect partner, in what kind of hip bars I would hang out in my twenties, how I would trough regular dinner parties. Now I am in my twenties, I have paused my studies for a job I never dreamed of doing, my partner's nothing like the person I imagined in High School but better, I never hang out in hip bars but only in worn down pubs, and I only held two dinner parties in my life and one of them was a complete disaster.

I keep wondering: Am I totally sucking at being an adult or does everyone in their 20s feel this way? I'm constantly torn between "this is normal and I kind of enjoy it", and "I'm the absolute worst at getting my shit together".

Most of these days I feel like this:

Sometimes I also feel like this:

While all around me people are getting married and they are having awesome jobs and they are publishing books and they are already having kids. What the hell?!

The truth is I don't even want all of these things (or more specifically: I have no idea what I want) but to hear what others in my age are up to and to see their Facebook status definitely freaks me out.

This is what I felt like when I missed the train some weeks ago (again) and realized that I am definetly the Queen of Failure. But then I looked at my life from a distance, and I saw a lot of things I like: I saw a functioning relationship and trustworthy friends, I saw good books and good music, I saw a roof over my head and food in my fridge (even some vegetables), I saw a salary on my bank account (a ridicolous small salary but at least it's a salary). I might not be where my teenage self expected me to be in my mid-twenties, but I am not a total failure either. All in all I am doing okay. Sometimes okay is enough to keep going and to keep fighting until your okay turns into not-shitty-at-all and this turns into kind-of-awesome. This is where I'm heading.

I also realized two things which put everything into perspective:

1. To think that everyone except you is leading the perfect life is a lie. 

Those people who have thriving careers and are getting married and pregnant are still the minority and they might not even be happy. People tend to show the world only their successes and hide their failures, so if someone appears like they have their shit together, the truth might be that they are struggling just as much as I am.

2. You don't have to live your life like everyone else does. 

We think that there is a plan to life which goes something like this: graduate from High School, study, get a high paying job, get married, buy a house, have children, and so on. But this is a lie! There is no plan for life, each of us has to find their own way. The traditional CV might make some people happy, but nor does it guarentee happiness, neither is it the only way to happyness. You can never become rich and successful and still accomplish something. You can never get married or start a family and still live a fullfilled life. All those things are just suggestions and you are here to figure out wether you want some of these things or not. And this is exactly what I am trying to do at the moment.

Is this what being a grown up is like?

This week I organized two readings and three shows. You might remember from my previous blog posts that I have only held the position as a PR lady at a publishing house for a month now and that I have no experience in PR whatsoever.

The first show I organized on my own was an erotic evening in Munic. And every possible thing that could go wrong, went wrong. The dancers arrived late because I wasn't precise enough about when they had to be there. I forgot to send them the program. Everyone was stressed out and the atmosphere was really tense.

The second show was in a different city and was a lot better but it was also smaller.

The third show was held in my home by choice Tübingen and it was bigger. Around 150 people attendend, and I had to sell the tickets and the books and take photos. I was running around constantly trying to solve all the little problems that arose each minute. It was a beautiful show. We had a fantastic burlesque dancer, a comedian, authors, a singer and a piano player. The show was set in an old cinema with red chairs and a decor right out of the 50s. But I couldn't really enjoy it because there was so much to do.

Today I lay on the couch with my boyfriend and I told him that I feel bad for making so many mistakes and that I feel like I couldn't measure up to the expectations of my boss and the dancers and authors. I felt so overwhelmed. I never really learned what I am supposed to do. Everyone just expects me to know how these things work. But I don't. I still have to learn every little part of it and it's a lot to learn in such a short time.

I wondered: Is this what being a grown up is like? To constantly worry and be tense and be stressed and have all this responsibility, all this pressure, all this anxiety to fail? Will this be how I spend the rest of my life?

My boyfriend said: Roads don't always lead straight away to your destination. They have turns and detours and sometimes you get lost. But this was your first time. Noone has the right to expect you to be perfect. Next time you'll try again. And you'll do better. If you still have to learn things, this is a good sign. This is what you're supposed to do. This is what brings you forward.

So I decided to believe him and to move forward.