And then everything changed

Donnerstag, 3. Dezember 2015

Why do great women date assholes?

I have a friend who's a wonderful, smart, kind, talented woman. She could easily find a handful of guys who'd love to give her neck massages and make her breakfast every morning. But instead she dates this one major asshole.

And she's not the only one. We all know the phenomena that great women date assholes. We have at least one friend who is commiting this crime right now, and we have probably been one of these women at some point in our lives.

And I'm not talking about the kind of asshole who is basically just a sexy bad boy who sprays anarchistic slogans on public walls. No. I'm talking about the kind of asshole who treats you like shit but somehow manages to make you feel like you did something wrong. I'm talking about the kind of asshole who's a major drama queen but criticizes you when you get upset once in a while. I'm talking about the kind of asshole who gets overly jealous when you talk to your male friend and then goes and sleeps with every female co-worker he has.

Yep. We've all been there. Many of us luckily do manage to get out of such a poisonous realtionship sooner or later. Then, maybe they meet someone who's kind and nice and who actually treats her right. Or maybe they simply realize that being alone is far better than dating a piece of human garbage.

But there are also the women who never get out. They fight with their asshole boyfriend, they yell at them, threaten them that they won't take any more of their shit, they break up with them on a weekly basis. But then he promises to change, he smiles at her, he tells her that he loves her, so much, and they crawl right back into the same old broken marriage.

Or maybe they do break up with this one particular asshole for real but a month later they run into the arms of another asshole who is equally manipulating and controlling with a slightly different appearance.

Why? Why do women fall for assholes again and again and again while the nice guys are stuck observing them longingly from the distance?

I think there are two possible explanations.

First, women who fall for assholes repeatedly, are really negative people who think that the world is doomed and that human nature is in essence brutal and evil. They settle for assholes because this is the only kind of person they know and because they deeply believe that they don't deserve better.

To those women I'd like to say: Wake up! Open your eyes, there are good guys out there. Not all people are trying to make your life a living hell. And if you still can't find a single person who you don't think of as totally devious, then at the very least believe that you are not evil. Choose to be a good person. The world gives you what you show it. Be good and find hope in the knowledge that there is at least one decent person, you.

Second, women who fall for assholes repeatededly are extremly kind people. They are in fact so nice that they love everyone regardless of their flaws, even if those flaws are doing drugs or cheating on you with your sister. They are so nice that they believe they can fix another person, that they can heal him, and they seek out assholes because they think it's their responsibility to transform them into good people.

To those women I'd like to say: Wake up! Open your eyes, you cannot fiy everyone and it's not your mission to do so. Yes there are stories of assholes who turned into wonderful boyfriends and husbands once they lay eyes on this one, angelic woman who saved him from perdition (Hello, Nathan from One Tree Hill). But those stories are rare. Chances are that the jerk you're dating will never change but will rather change you into a more depressed and cynic person instead of you changing him for the better. It's great to be a nice person, these people  hold the world together, but first of all, you have to look out for yourself. You are your only real responsibility. Sometimes you have to do the thing that's best for you not everyone else, which probably means dumping the man who breaks your heart every other day. Save your own ass, first!

Why do you think great women date assholes?

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