Over the last weekend I took a trip to my childhood hometown, accompagnied by a new friend, to spend some time with the friends I have know for half my life.
Lately I noticed that I have become very picky with friends. In my new home, I only have two real friends (real meaning that I can talk to them on a deeper level). One of them is the friend I've brought with me to my trip "home". It's funny because when I first met her, I didn't consider her a potential real friend. She seemed nice and friendly and most of my other good friends are quite the opposite. But then I noticed how I got into really intense conversations with her and how she was willing to share her deepest feelings, which soemtimes were scarily similar to mine.
You know how these days not many people are willing to really lay open there inner selves? So many relationships are fun and entertaining but it never goes beyond this level. You never really get to know the other person to a degree where you feel like now you share an important experience. The truth is, I'm sick of shallow friendships. Life's too short to waste your life with people who don't touch and move your heart. You wouldn't spend time with an unfullfilling relationship, would you? So why spend it with unfulfilling friendships?
I might not have many friends that measure up to my high standards but the ones that I do have are extraordinary.
I have known one of my best friends for more than 10 years. Back then we were both enslaved by a really unhealthy friendship with another girl which stole most of my youth and made me miserable for so many wasted years. But then one night me and my now friend walked back home together and we really talked for the first time and it was like the world suddenly had hope again. We had incredible similar interests and values and dreams. We bonded right then and there, we freed ourselves from this unhealthy friendship we were stuck in. We have been friends for more than 10 years now and we have truly seen each other in our best and our worst times. Everytime I meet this person after being seperated from her for a month or more because we live in different cities, it's like no time has passed.
My other good friend from home is one of the most extraordinary people I know. When we hang out together, it's like we're on drugs without ever really being high on anything but each other. We talk so much, it's incredible. We push each other forward. Every little interesting thing that happens to me or that I hear about (like a book or an article or a song) I have to immidiately send her. She is the only person who is allowed to read my diary and to be honest, I partly only write it for her.
The other real friend I have in the city I live in, is my boyfriend. He has been my partner and lover for more than 3 years now and we were never just friends, nor will we ever be, but he is still my best friend. When I come home after an exhausting day at work, he is there, and I look at his adorable face and love just pours into my heart and erases all other feelings. I love talking with him, I love snuggling up to him, I love doing ordinary stuff like eating or cleaning with him, I love making love with him. So often I complain about my work life or other stressful aspect of my life but then he takes me in his arms and I realize that I already have it all. I have him.
I enjoy watching tv shows about twenty somethings like Friends or How I Met Your Mother (any suggestions for similar shows? Please tell me!) and they always have these absolutely awesome friend groups who permanently hang out together and are adorable together and help each other out and are hilarious. And man, I wish I had a friend group like them. But my friends are few and sprinkeled all over the country.
Still: I have four people who I consider my real friends, and I mean the really deep shit, the call me at 3am when you're depressed friends. There are no words to describe how thankful I am for them.